Reminding Myself

It's no secret that I don't update this as often as I should. In this season of life, I just don't have the time. I get stressed out so easily. Staying caught up in school is a constant struggle. Speaking honestly, I hate school and I want to quit. However, I feel that completing my degree is a better long term plan.  

I'm doing it for my kids, and because I made a promise to myself when I was 18 and pregnant that I wouldn't let being a teen mom stop me from finishing school. I can't go full-time or anywhere close to full-time, but I haven't given up. If everything goes according to plan, I'll be finished before I turn 30 and that's good enough for me. By that point, my youngest will also be going off to kindergarten. Perfect timing.

Happy Fall Yall!

Autumn began this week and the weather has been perfect. Tennessee is beautiful this time of year and it’s finally cool enough that I can buckle the kids into their car seats without breaking a sweat. School has been in session for about a month for me and W, 2 months for the girls. We’re finally getting back to a regular schedule on school nights.

Having 4 people in school can be super chaotic. Sometimes I feel like we’ll be in survival mode forever. Hopefully things will get easier soon. My husband has 3 job interviews lined up Monday. Fortunately he’s currently employed, but we could finally move further out and have some more room and maybe even some land if he gets hired at one of the new places.

Obviously, moving further out is still in the discussion stage, as it has been for years. In the meantime, I’m just trying not to get my hopes up too much (but still checking RealTracs every day because I’m slightly obsessed.) Anyway, I’m praying that everything will go well. My biggest wish for 2014 is that we’ll be able to move.

Balancing Acts

I'm dealing with so much stress right now. Sometimes it feels like trying to better myself or our situation is pointless. Only 3 weeks into this semester and I'm already feeling overwhelmed and falling behind. I don't think I will ever get my degree. If I don't get my degree, we will probably be broke forever. I wish I could just focus on being a mom and not have to worry about working or finishing school, but that isn't my life. I do want my degree, if only to set an example for my children, but trying to study for these classes on top of being a housewife and mom is an incredible amount of work. I don't know how others do it. I feel so trapped right now. 

Even if I wanted to work, it's not like we could afford it. We tried that arrangement for about 2 years and most of my paycheck went straight to childcare. I keep telling myself that things will be easier once my youngest is in elementary school because aftercare is way more affordable than full-time daycare. Ideally I would find a part-time job where I work only during the day when the kids are at school. That way I could bring in some extra income while avoiding the cost of childcare all together. 

That idea is still at least 2 years away from happening. In the meantime I'm just trying to survive. I feel very discouraged. Everything is still so up in the air right now. I don't even know where my husband will be working next year, or where we'll be living next year, or if I'll ever finish school, etc. I feel like whenever I make an attempt to better myself/ my situation in one area, another area of my life suffers because of it. I usually try not to complain, but life is just hard sometimes. My life is one huge balancing act right now and I'm trying so hard not to let anything fall, but something's gotta give.

Week in Review {8/18-8/24}

Changes
I feel like I begin every entry this way, but I'm going to make an honest effort to begin writing here more often. I'm typically a very private person in my everyday, but I love to write. For some reason, I find writing to be very therapeutic. I'm usually happier when I've been writing regularly. Also, I have many things to accomplish during the 2013-2014 school year and I need to hold myself accountable.

The only issue that I believe holds me back from writing more regularly is the privacy issue. I want to include family updates, but I'm not sure how regularly that will happen because I want to keep some stuff private. Anyway, with that being said, I've decided to switch gears over here and will be writing about my love of organizing and decorating more often. For as long as I can remember, organizing has been a way to relieve stress for me. I'm always re-arranging furniture and looking for new ways to streamline our house. I also love to read blogs and felt so inspired that I wanted to jump on the band wagon and participate.

Deep Cleaning
I have been doing a ton of organizing this week now that the girls are back in school. I start classes myself next week, so I hope to have a productive week this week as well. 

• Today I cleaned and organized the kitchen cabinets and refrigerator. I threw away lots of expired stuff and created a list for our big grocery trip tomorrow. We usually do one big grocery trip each month, with a few smaller ones here and there for specific recipes. I also switched the shelves around in the refrigerator, with the tallest shelf now being the top and with the two lower shelves on the bottom. I hope things will be more functional this way now that we have lots of little hands reaching in. 

•  Today I also managed to completely catch up on laundry for the 3rd weekend in a row. Yay! I'm on a roll. When the kids were young, this was an extremely rare experience and I very much enjoy documenting it. If I can commit to doing 3 loads of regular laundry a day, I think I can stay completely caught up on things around here. With 3 small children, a husband who gets dirty at work, and a dog, laundry is a daily thing. Laundry is one of my least favorite chores, but I think I can manage.

Back to School Season Continues
Back to school season is always such a crazy time, but I love it. I go back to school tomorrow for the first time in 4 years. I hope I remember how to study. I am only going to be taking 2 classes this semester. I decided that going back full-time would be overwhelming, but even completing 2 classes will be an accomplishment for me! Being a mommy/student/housewife means that I will be very busy for the next year or so until I am finished with school.  Wish me luck! I am nervous but happy to be going back.

Rambling

I hope to update this journal more often. I have alot of scrapbooks that I want to complete, but that will be difficult to do if I don't have any journaling to go along with it. If nothing else, I hope these updates will help me remember how we spent our days. I know one day everything will be different. In fact, I can feel a change taking place now. 

The transition from the baby years to the big kid years is bittersweet. I'm trying not to get too emotional. Good things are in store for us. Life isn't perfect, it never will be, but things have definitely gotten easier. I feel like I am finally starting to create a plan for myself. I desperately need to figure out my independence, and I know that begins with finishing my education. So, as my big girls go to school, I am once again enrolling in school  myself. Wish me luck.

Pool time!

Today was a perfect day for the pool. The kids and I had lunch at a wonderful Greek restaurant with my mom and then spent all afternoon swimming. C is going off both the diving board and the big slides. E has no fear going off of the little slide and is *thisclose* to being ready for swim team. E has been begging to join and says that she would much rather do swim team than dance. E is not afraid of putting her face underwater and can swim the width of the pool! W stayed in the baby pool today. He had fun pushing around a kick board but did not care for the little fountains in the front of the pool. He refused to walk past them without covering his eyes. Some day I will tease him about this. All around, it was a wonderful day and the water felt amazing! We have plans to go back tomorrow.

Happy Weekend

I cannot remember the last time I wrote 2 updates in 2 days, but here I am getting back into the writing mode. I miss having a place to write freely about whatever I want, but I think that I have finally found it. Keeping a journal is so very satisfying to me. I used to keep a LiveJournal. I updated it throughout my teen and into my early twenty-something years with many cringe-inducing entries. I eventually started updating LiveJournal less and less as Facebook became more and more popular.

I have a major love-hate relationship with Facebook. I love how connected Facebook allows me to be and I hate how connected Facebook allows me to be. I despise the drama that comes with Facebook. That site can be horribly damaging on relationships. So, I am in need of a safe space to vent without causing drama. I need a place to simply be still and to reflect. I want to let my thoughts spill onto the page without having to filter myself. For the time being, I am not sure if I want people from my every day life to be able to identify me from what I make available on here (although some of them can anyway, so please hush if that is you). Like I said, this blog is my safe space, so I think a little anonymity would be wise for now. You never know who is reading...

Anyway, today my husband is working a 14 hour shift. He will be gone 9am to 11pm. I do alot of solo parenting, which is not anywhere remotely as difficult as single parenting in the emotional sense of things, but it still has its challenges. I find that our days go smoothest when we have a schedule, which never really happens on the weekends. We still managed to have a great Saturday nonetheless.  :) Amazingly, I managed to have the entire house clean by 3 - with only some laundry left (as usual). I am in the process of switching the closets from cold weather to warm weather and I feel like I am drowning in clothing right now.

I took a break from sorting clothes to take advantage of the beautiful Spring weather. The kiddos and I ended up going to the park in the afternoon where the girls played and little man just chased everyone. We then met up for dinner at Ruby Tuesday with Grandpa. Everyone had a great time! Now that my little man is almost 3, getting out of the house with all 3 of them is so much easier. I feel like we can all move around so much quicker, which is a good thing because we have alot planned for this summer. I will save the details on that for another entry. We have church, brunch, and bookstore in the morning. :)